Pirates Of The Caribbean Interviews
by ChaseTheBreeze
Summary: Interviews with the crew of Pirates Of The Caribbean, need I say more?
1. Barbossa Interview

**Disclaimer: I do not own Pirates Of The Caribbean, Barbossa, (or Shawn), or any of it's affiliations.**

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**Shawn:** "Hello readers, Shawn here. Rain and I have decided to continue with our interviews. Your probably wondering why I'm doing the intro and not Rain. Well the answer is simple: she's not here yet and I need to get things started. Today we will be interviewing another pirate you should be familiar with...Captain Hector Barbossa! So, Captain-"

**Barbossa:** interrupting "Argh! Enough with yer yamerin', get on with the interview already! I've got better things to be doin'!"

**Shawn:** "Whoa! Calm down Captain. The interview will begin when Rain gets. . ." looks off stage "Ah, here she is now."

**Rain:** "Hey, Shawn I was looking over our-" Pauses in mid step like a deer in head-lights, staring wide eyed at the Pirate Lord seated opisate Shawn "I-i-is t-that H-Hector B-B-Bar-Barbossa?"

**Barbossa:** "Ye be alright lass?"

**Rain:** faints

**Shawn:** "Rain!" leaps from seat and tends to Rain

looking to camera

"Uhh-uhh...We are experiencing technical difficulties and will return shortly."

One Moment Please...

**Shawn:** Helps the barely conscience Rain to her feet "Well this one's going great already." realizes camera is back on "Oh...And we're back with our interview of... well I've already said it once and I'm afraid to say it again for fear that Rain will pass out again.

**Barbossa:** "Well now that settles that. Can get on with it already? I've scheduled a plundering in an hour and I won't be late.

**Rain:** Groans, rubbing head "Shawn, I had the weirdest dream. That Barbossa was he-" Stops, staring wide eyed at Barbossa.

**Barbossa:** "Argh, hello miss."

**Rain:** Looks at Shawn, then at Barbossa, then back to Shawn, and then finally back at Barbossa "B-b-ut OHMIGOSH" Squeals loudly "You are the sexiest...most awsomest most greatest pirate EVER to sail on the open sea!!" Looks at Barbossa wide eyed

**Barbossa:** Impatiently, "Well are we going to get on with the interview, or just sit around and tell me how great I am? Because I already be knowing how great I am, so if it be the latter, I'll be off." Stands up and begins to leave

**Shawn:** Franticly "Uh, Hector! Can I call you Hector!? Rain's just a little over excited to see you. If you'll just have a seat, we'll begin the interview.

**Barbossa:** Sits back down "Very well, lad. Let's have it then."

**Shawn:** So, Captain, One thing I've always wondered is: how many villages, cities and towns have you attacked in your pirating career?"

**Rain:** "Come on now, Shawn, do you think that he COUNTS?" turns to Barbossa " I have a better question." leans forward, serious look on face "How big is it?"

**Shawn:** Palm + forehead

**Barbossa:** "Well no, i don't keep count. But it has been quite a few. And as fer yer question, lass. You'll just have to find out fer yerself." smiles widely

**Shawn:** "Wait a minute, stop both of you. You can save that for AFTER the show. But as for now we have an interview to do. Rain, can I trust you to ask SERIOUS questions?"

**Rain:** Gives Shawn a 'you-must-be-kidding-it's-Barbossa' look. ... pauses for a moment "So about me finding out-" smiles charmingly at Barbossa, scooting seat closer to him

**Shawn:** Sighs in frustration "I can't work like this." storms off...comes back and grabs coffee mug then begins to storm off again

**Rain:** Blinks after him "I got his jar of dirt, he'll be back" taps top of Jar of Dirt affectionately "So, back to my uhm, 'research', Captain Barbossa. Bats eyelashes

**Shawn:** Comes back after hearing her snatches jar "MY DIRT!" reluctantly sits back down "Captain Barbossa, how do you inspire such fierce loyalty in your crew?"

**Rain:** O.O sidles a little farther away from Shawn "He's rather protective over his jar of dirt." whispers to Barbossa

**Barbossa:** Chuckles at Rain's comment "I've noticed. But as per yer question lad. Ye always have to let 'em know who's boss. Any new recruits have to scared to death ye. But once they be accustomed to ye, then ye can slowly start to become friends. This be very tricky cuz if ya try to make someone yer friend too soon, they may start a mutiny. Yer only captain so long as ye have control."

**Rain:** Grins widely "Control, eh? Does that mean your in control in bed as well as being Captain?" bats eye lashes at him

**Shawn:** "Aw, God." Palm + forehead

**Barbossa:** "If ye'll recall I have a plunderin' soon, so I'll be off. One thing before I go though...Lass, ye seem REAL eager to have me in bed, and I can't be sayin' no to such an invitation." stands and grabs Rain's hand "Shall we, then?"

**Rain:** Turns wide eyed, mouth agape to Shawn "I-I'll be back later." turns to the grinning Captain and sidles closer to him "Or maybe just 'I'll be back'" Giggles

**Barbossa:** "Aye lass, I'd be settlin' for the later one."

**Shawn:** sighs in frustration while watching the two leave "Well I guess that does it for this one. Seeing as how I now have no co-host or interviewee anymore, I have no choice but to call it to a close. Thank you for reading and please tell us what you think! We'd love to hear what you think! See you next time!"

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**Well thanks for reading! I'm not sure if this is allowed on , but I figure it's worth a shot.**


	2. Barbossa and Jack Interview

**Disclaimer: I do not own Pirates Of The Caribbean, Disney, or any of it's affiliations.**

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**Rain:** "Hello again, this is Rain speaking! Shawn and I have yet again decided to do another interview, this time starring Captain Hector Barbossa and the infamous Captain Jack Sparrow. Shawn will be with us shortly, he appears to be talking to Jack in his dressing room. I'll begin with the first question." Turns to Barbossa and smiles charmingly "Hello fiance of mine."

**Barbossa:** "Argh, its good to back lass. Even better conderin' that I be gettin' to see you again." smiles at Rain

**Jack:** Shouting coming from dressing room "What ye mean there's no rum!? I know that specifically asked fer rum this time!"

**Shawn:** Shouting back at Jack "I told you before, THERE IS NO RUM! Why would be change the rules since last time!? We don't have any rum, so get over it!"

**Rain:** Whimpers, sidling closer to Barbossa "Uh-Uhm, a-anyway. Uhm, im sorry love, but do you have any rum on hand perhaps?" Pleading look

**Barbossa:** "Actually, no. Unlike CERTAIN people, I don't need in me hand at all times."

**Jack:** steps out on stage "Why is there no rum, AGAIN!" stops after noticing Barbossa "What's he doin' 'ere?"

**Shawn:** following closely behind Jack "Didn't Rain tell you? We've decided to interview you both together."

**Rain:** "Uh, yea I must've forgot. But uhm, don't fret! I'll run right up to the corner store and get ye some rum, if you promise to stay here and do the interview and NOT attempt to kill my fiance." Narrows eyes at Jack

**Barbossa:** "Argh, ye needn't be goin' OUTTA yer way for this whelp!" Narrows eyes at Jack

**Jack:** "Why is everyone angry today! Fine lass, ye get me rum and I promise on pain of death not to bother yer...eh, fiance, savvy?" Grins toothily

**Shawn:** MAJOR sigh

**Rain:** "Hmm...deal. And I mean it Jack, you do not touch my mate." Glares at

**Jack:** Raises arm in surrender "I said I swear on pain of death, luv!"

**Rain:** "Hmm, fine." Kisses Barbossa deeply then leaves for rum "I'll be back soon!"

**Jack:** Pulls a face "Ew, do they always do that?"

**Shawn:** Sighs and sits down in chair across from Barbossa "Yes, that and more." Shouting at Rain as she leaves "WAIT!! Don't leave me alone with these two!" sighs as Rain drives off "Damn it..."

**Jack:** "She better be back soon with me rum."

**Barbossa:** "Ahh, stow it Sparrow!

**Jack:** "Now listen 'ere, mate! I agreed to this show, but NOT, to you. And further more-"

**Barbossa:** interrupting Jack by pointing a pistol at his face "When I say 'shut up', that means to SHUT UP!"

**Shawn:** "Ah! Hector please, put that away! How'd you even get that pass security!?" Stands to try to break up Jack and Barbossa "Please, both of you, calm down. I'm sure we can work this out like gentlem-"

**Barbossa:** points pistol at Shawn "You shut up too!"

**Shawn:** quickly sits back down "Right. I'm staying out of this one."

**Rain:** arrives to see Jack and Barbossa engaged in a sword fight. "Ooo that's it. He is so in trouble." drops two bottles of rum in Shawn's lap. "CAPTAIN HECTOR BARBOSSA GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE NOW!!" yells angrily, face red.

**Jack:** "Ha, saved by the girl, eh, Hector?" Smirks

**Rain:** "YOU TOO SPARROW!"

**Jack:** "Oh Bloody hell!" walks shamefully to Rain, head bowed like a four year old who just got caught trying to steal a cookie from the cookie jar

**Rain:** "Jack, dear, why don't you sit down and get yer rum from Shawn." Smiles sweetly

**Jack:** "Haha, I win!" dives for rum

**Rain:** "Hector, NOW"

**Shawn:** "Oh dear..."

**Jack: **"Yer in trouble now, mate." drinks rum, sitting down on chair

**Shawn:** "This one's going REALLY bad..."

**Jack:** "Ha! Nonsense, mate! I must say I'm rather enjoyin' meself." takes another drink of rum

**Shawn:** frustrated "Give me that!" snatches rum from Jack

**Jack:** "Give me back me rum, or so help me mate, I'll-"

**Shawn:** interrupts Jack "Do I have to hurt you again!? Because if I have to, I will break this bottle over you're head."

**Rain:** turns to Shawn and Jack "Shawn, give him his rum and stop being a prick! AND WHERE IS MY FIANCE!" huffs

**Jack:** O.O "Women are scary when their mad, eh mate?" looks up at Rain

**Shawn:** "Yes, and Rain is no acception..."

**Barbossa:** "I be over here, lass. What seems to be the problem?"

**Jack:** "Well if I may say so, that would be you." points to Barbossa

**Shawn:** "Jack, it might be a good idea to keep that kind of thing to yourself right now. Rain looks shes ready to kill someone, and it could be you."

**Jack:** Looking fearfully at Rain "Aye, you've got a point there, mate."

**Barbossa:** "Now that Sparrow's shut up and we can hear ourselves think again, what was it ye wanted to speak at me about?"

**Rain:** Stomps to Barbossa, shoving finger in his chest "You will sit down and do this interview without complaint! Both of you!" Says to Jack and Barbossa

**Barbossa:** chuckles "And who be ye to give me orders?"

**Rain:** "Your fiance, and if you want my company tonight, ye'd best do as I say, SAVVY?" glares

**Barbossa:** "Ha! As though that be much of a threat! If that be the case, it won't be too hard to find pleasurable company else where."

**Shawn:** "Uh, Hector. It may not be such a good idea to proke her like that. Just in case you can't tell shes-"

**Barbossa:** Interrupts Shawn by pointing his pistol at him "You stay out of this."

**Jack:** Whispers to Shawn "Best just to do as he says, mate. He's a royal flush short of a full deck, if ya know what I mean."

**Rain:** "Fine." Grabs Sparrow and kisses him passionately "Jerk!" storms off

**Jack:** "Well that was-" smiling widely

**Shawn:** "Unexpected?"

**Jack:** "Aye, ye took the words right outta me mouth."

**Shawn:** sighs "This is getting out of hand."

**Jack:** "Agreed, mate. So, I'll be takin' me rum," snatches rum from Shawn "and be off."

**Shawn:** grabs Jack by the back of his shirt and pulls him back to a sitting position "Have your rum then, but sit down!"

**Barbossa:** "If you two will excuse me, I've got to go after me woman." walks off stage

**Shawn:** "Well, now that the psychotic man and woman are gone, maybe we can actually get to the interview." turns to Jack "And since he's here, could you describe your relationship with Captain Barbossa?"

**Jack:** "Me and ol' Hector, eh? Well we used to good friends, he was even me first mate on the Pearl. That is until he betrayed me and took over..."

**Shawn:** "So, did that incident ruin your friendship?"

**Jack:** "Well yes and no. More yes than no."

**Rain:** Outside of building "Stupid jerk!" Kicks rock hard. "Owww!!" hops on un injured foot, holding injured foot

**Jack:** "So, when d'ya suppose they'll be back, mate?" Looks at Shawn

**Shawn:** "Hmm...I have no idea. It could be awhile. She's just as stubborn as he his."

**Jack:** Cringes "Well if she's that bad, they're gonna be awhile."

**Barbossa:** Shouting at Rain "Yer bein' unreasonable woman! What was I suppose to do when Jack started into me? Kiss him!?"

**Shawn:** "Yeah...I don't think they're coming back."

**Rain:** Whips around, glaring at him "No! But maybe not be such a child and just ignore him, eh, you, you stubborn twit!!" pounds fists on his chest

**Jack:** "Ooo lets go check it out, mate!" gets out of chair and sneaks out back door

**Shawn:** "W-wait! Oh damn it!" follows

**Jack:** "Oh, look, she's ittin' em'!" grins widely, looking around the corner at Barbossa and Rain

**Shawn:** To Rain and Barbossa "Can we please settle this peacefully?"

**Barbossa and Rain together:** "NO!"

**Shawn:** Sighs deeply "Well, I suppose I might as well enjoy the show."

**Jack:** "There you go, mate! How 'bout some rum?" hands Shawn rum

**Shawn:** Sighs "Why the hell not?" takes a sip "EW that's grouse!" Hands rum back

**Jack: **"You must be crazy, mate! Wait..." leans close and whispers "Are you a unich?"

**Shawn:** "..."

**Rain:** "You know what, I have an interview to do. Get out of my way." Attempts to push passed Barbossa

**Barbossa:** Grabs Rain roughly by the arm as she brushes past him "Oh no ye don't. We're settlin' this first. I will admit that I may have overreacted to that dog Sparrow. But I have to defend me honor. And I promise, that just for ye, that I'll behave."

**Jack:** "Bah, this is no fun any more. Come on, snippy. Lets go back inside."

**Shawn:** Punches Jack's back

**Jack:** Nearly tripps

**Shawn:** turns to walk back into studio but stops to talk to Jack "And no. I'm not a unich."

**Jack:** Timidly "Aye, got it mate."

**Rain:** "Humph, fine, but I'm still mad at you!" glares at

**Barbossa:** Grins and tilts her chin upwards, kissing her sweetly

**Rain:** All stumbily "Awww, okay, your forgivin, now get yer ass inside!"

**Inside:**

**Jack:** "OYE, so on with the interview."

**Shawn:** "Yes, finally!" exasperated sigh "Now, Captain Barbossa. Jack told me earlier that the two of you used to be good friends. What was it that made you betray him?"

**Barbossa:** "Greed, lad. Pure and simple. Jack trusted me with information he shouldn't of. And a captain is only captain so long as he maintains control.

**Shawn:** "I see. And Jack, how do you feel about this?"

**Rain:** Takes seat on Barbossa's lap, wrapping arms around his neck and playing with his hair "What is this, a therapy session?"

**Jack:** "Jus' what I was thinkin' love. Ow' do I feel about it? Well, I s'pouse I did kill him...once, so were square." grins

**Barbossa:** Rolls eyes

**Rain:** Squeals, kissing Barbossa and cooing in his ear "That's hot."

**Barbossa:** Smirks

**Shawn:** To Rain "We are here to do an interview, after all. And it seems that with Hector here, I'm the only one of the two of us who's actually asking questions."

**Jack:** "Hmm...You know he does have a point luv."

**Barbossa:** "Wait just a minute, Sparrow. Who's side are ye takin'? Because it seems to me, that yer tryin' to play both sides at the same time."

**Rain:** "Okay okay! Both of you stop bickering. Okay, Jack, I've always wanted to know, what's the story behind the reindeer bone in your hair?" points to the long white stick in his dread locked hair

**Jack:** Grins "Ah, ye picked an interesting question ta ask, love."

**Barbossa:** rolls eyes again

**Jack:** "The bone actually used to belong to a chief of a primitive tribe of natives. They didn't take kindly to me at first. After a rather bloody battle, mostly for them, the chief tied it into me hair as a symbol of respect."

**Shawn:** "Interesting. Do each of your hair ornaments have a story behind them?"

**Barbossa:** laughs heartily "Ye actually believe that? That's nothing but a bold faced lie. He actually got while on a huntin' trip. He shot the reindeer and liked one of the bones. So he stuck it in that rat's nest he calls hair."

**Rain:** Giggles "Mmm, Barbossa dear, play nice..." nuzzles the crook of his neck, shifting her legs around

**Shawn:** "Oh, God, look what you've done Hector." shakes head

**Barbossa:** "Done what, lad?"

**Rain:** Nips at Barbossa's neck, whispering sweet something's into his ear

**Barbossa:** "OH, that." grins

**Jack:** To Shawn "I dunno about you mate, but I'm gettin' a bit sick of this lovey dovey stuff."

**Shawn:** "After being around her long enough, you get used to it."

**Jack:** "Well I don't have the time to get used to her. And I better things to do than sit around an' watch these two go at it. So at that, I'll take me leave." Begins to walk off

**Rain:** Looks up from kissing Barbossa "Oh, bye Jack, see you later!" returns to making out with Barbossa. chair falls over. Her on top of him. More making out.

**Shawn:** O.O;;;;; "Uh..." grabs Jack and pulls him back into his seat "You're not going anywhere until we're done here." looks over to Rain still making out with Barbossa "Jack, I'm gonna need your help to get her off of him. On the count of three, we lift her off him and tie her to her chair. Ready? One...two..."

**Jack:** "Three!"

**Barbossa:** Stands up, drawing sword and pointing it at them, holding Rain tightly to him by her waist "Don't ye dare disturb me while I be pleaserin' me woman!" Does fancy sword move

**Rain:** "No, dear, it's alright. We can finish later." pulls him back onto seat, and sits on other chair, laying her head on his lap "Kay, we can continue."

**(An Aroused)Barbossa:** strokes her hair

**Shawn:** frustrated "It's impossible to work with you while he's here! I'm outta here! starts to walk off stage

**Jack:** stops Shawn "Now wait a minute mate. If I've got to endure this then so do you."

**Shawn:** glares at Jack evilly

**Jack:** "And vise versa, if you don't have to endure this, neither do I. Please take me with you."

**Shawn:** shrugs uncaringly "Why not? Let's go."

**Rain:** blinks after them "So..." looks up at Hector "Can we have sex now?" blinks innocently.

**Barbossa: **"Sure we can. But ye have to end the show first or else this'll have to go under 'lemons', instead of interviews. So as soon as ye end the show, we can have some 'alone' time in me quarters..."

**Rain:** "Oh, yea. Uhm, thanks for watching/reading...so uhm...see you soon!" turns off Camera and pounces on Barbossa.

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**Review! :**


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